Living In Between.

I’ve been in limbo and yesterday I worked out why. I knew I was unsettled with my living situation not being permanent, especially the last year since the house went up for sale. What I hadn’t really computed was that I was also in limbo with the studio. Focusing on making it work as a studio and living space has left me not using the space fully. I’ve been half arsing and second guessing everything since I bought it. Stepping into it being a studio, then pulling back because I might have to sleep in it, back and forward like that for over 2 years. At the end of last year I set about arranging the studio in such a way as to allow me to move in when I needed to, as a result half the studio isn’t really being used. This week after a woodland chat with my pal Jen and a coaching session with my other friend Linda, I realised I've been betwixt worlds and not really flinging myself into anything fully.  

Yesterday I registered for social housing, which was a way bigger relief than I thought it would be. It confirmed that I'm expecting too much from my studio and I’m contorting myself to fit into a dream I don’t really want. Today I’m able to admit that actually I don't want to live in my studio but I do still want to convert it. I have a much better sense of what I need to do now,  from the practical to the flamboyant. 

Living and working full time in the studio sounded cool n’ that but think about the reality of that for a minute. It’ll be a bloody lovely space for artist residencies or to stay over for a bit but to move your whole 51 years of existence into the equivalent of a studio apartment, is probably not realistic long term. Frankly, I’ve got a lot of beautiful nick-nacks and sentimental pieces of paper that need a home. Where would I put my daughter if she needs somewhere to stay? Where would I dry my laundry? AND I’d have to be tidy all the time, that’s not how I roll. God, it feels good to let that out. This is not to say that I won’t end up living in it, maybe I will. In the words of Doris Day, ‘the future’s not ours to see’.

I have plans afoot for co-working, masterclasses, and ceramics mentoring. I'll share more details soon, if you want to be first to know and get in on some early bird discounts, sign up for my newletter through my home page.

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