Sending out an SOS
Having to change from Tax Credits to Universal Credits in April, have felt like I'm Tom Hanks in Castaway on a disintegrating raft. Some days I feel like I have to let my art career go, lay down and wait for death or rescue, face down on my sinking raft with dry lips and sunburn. Until the lapping waves of a moving ship splash my face with hope renewed.
This has been the hardest 3 months I have had in a long long time. Financially, mentally and physically. I had 5 weeks of no supporting income which is still having a knock on effect now. Even a glorious amount of sales at the Open Studios in May were tainted by having to pay off unpaid bills and borrowed money. AND I got Covid, which knocked me off my feet and kept me down for a number of weeks, during that time I also had to cancel work. There have been days where I’ve had to trade off buying food, knowing bills would bounce and those bills may keep bouncing. Some days I feel so overwhelmed I can’t achieve anything because I'm in freeze. It has been really hard. The difference of this stint is that nothing came up to reset the situation . As a result I have been questioning whether I should continue on as an artist. What other type of business would stagger on in this financial state after 20 years? No one in their right mind that’s for sure. I know I’m not the only one who is questioning whether to stay the creative course.
That said, I'm not one to be kept down for long. I’m always on the hunt for solutions and ways that will help me live the creative life I am dedicated to. So with a new batch of iron tablets and renewed energy, I have devised a decision making tool for different types of jobs/projects and which to prioritise over others.
The idea grew from feeling mentally adrift and needing to find an anchor. In my mind I was jumping from one buoy to another, each buoy in various states of disrepair. Feeling safe momentarily only to realise the buoy is unstable. Going from buoy to buoy until a ship goes by to jump on for a bit, maybe one day a ship heading for dry land will give me lift.
My Shiney New Decision Making Tool
I have broken down jobs and projects into 3 sections.
Buoy - Short term opportunity/project. Can’t be relied upon. Random. Urgent. Financially necessary.
Ship - longer term opportunity/project, giving a foothold towards progress and stability either financially or through nurturing connections
Land - The Thing/on track to the thing. Long term. Living the life. Not wishing for more.
Buoys
Tide me over e.g. one off workshops/courses
Short term bills paid e.g. website shop sales/Vinted
Fulfilment for a day or two
Short term connection
Potentially make me visible to ships
A chance for work to be seen, e.g. Artist call outs
Some buoys are not worth aiming for
Work doesn’t sell
Work doesn’t lead to anything except maybe more buoys
Ships
Regular employment
Regular sales of big ticket artwork
A juicy artist residency for developing work with some lovely funding and new connections.
Connections
Bills paid and money to spare
Brain holiday from social media, event promoting/marketing etc.
Being able to take a holiday
Universal Credits in the bin
Meals out
Meeting new people
Moving closer to land
New and exciting opportunities
Land (less tangable, more of a feeling and in some cases harder to find)
Arrival can be to a port ready to go or a beach with some transition time.
The thing
Your life's purpose
Stability
Feeling safe to be your whole magnificent self
Trust that the abundance will keep on coming.
Letting go of (control, worry, desperation, panic)
Letting go into (joy, gathering, love, fullness)
These examples are my own issues, you can use them as they are or create your own lists for each category. I hope having this visual will help with decision making. If a project is a buoy it doesn't automatically make it bad, but if you class it as a desperate necessity that makes you feel shitty, acknowledging it is a buoy helps put it into perspective of your whole seafaring life and decide whether it's worth it or not. Within this framework there is room for nuance and flexibilty, what starts out as a buoy could evolve into a ship or at least a decent raft.
Stay safe my salty freelance pirates.
To finish I wanted to share this poem because it sums up where I'm at, no matter how many times I think I've killed/made friends with my inner Heathers, somehow I end up in another epic battle with them.
This poem is by my lovely friend Eddie, you can find her other work @whatshesaidnext
Let Me Tell You About Pirates
Something has changed within me. Something is not the same.
The song is stuck on a loop in my head.
My dreams are becoming ludicrously bold neon pink what if what if dreams. And those that have carefully governed my inner worlds are scandalised by this new pretender with a karaoke mic and a party hat.
Voices of the ancients in my tribe have comforting mantras spoken in an ancient tongue, that loosely translate into ‘don’t make a fuss, just get on with it, we don’t want any trouble here.
And this wisdom has kept me safe. My management committee of Messrs So-Sorry, Small and Quiet have run this ship…wait… into the rocks? Into ice?
We appear to be grounded.
And now there’s pirates clambering aboard with names like Hope and Dare and Captain Dothefuckingthing. And they are sifting through the wreckage and holding up treasures from cracked open chests. They are setting free prisoners and the prisoners are joining the pirate crew. There’s a gleefully noisy parrot and a shitload of rum.
The management committee are caught fleeing and made to stand trial. They claim to have been acting according to the laws of ‘But What Will People Think’ and once this defence has been fed to the sharks, the committee are sent to the galley to drink tea, calm the fuck down and bake some fine cakes because dammit pirates love cake. They consider this a fair punishment, they never wanted to be in charge anyway.
The patched up ship sets sail towards the sun, singing.
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